We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
