How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
