We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
