It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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