I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
