i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
