omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
