She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
