Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
