I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
