guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize