It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
