please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
