He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
