i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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