How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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