PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I need moral support for this bender
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
