I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
