i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
