i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
