how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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