Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
