you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We need to get me chipped asap
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
