remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
