and you said cock pushups were impossible
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Let's paint friendship bongs
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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