He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
