My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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