Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
