And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
