I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
