btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
