I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
