She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
