It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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