You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
