Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
God I need to hump something, right now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
