Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize