Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
a search helicopter?!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm both gender and math confused
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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