Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
