So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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