I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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