So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
