if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
