Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
