Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize