My nipple is on Facebook.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
