So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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