May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
