You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I am midnight drunk by noon
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
