i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize
