I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
