I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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