How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize