He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
