You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
