As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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