it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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