He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
