I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
