You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
