whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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