How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
