if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
