The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
