he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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