Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
