Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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