I wish I only lived at night.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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