please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
