yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
