For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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