dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
