Just cropdusted the office
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
