it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
