Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
