so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
