we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
