Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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