it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
