that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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