New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
